October 7, 2010

You'll never know dear...


I'm so tired. From what, is beyond me...
There are so many plans clouding my mind
how to get onto the farm
that I dream of?
how to make a career from
what i can make with my own two hands?
I don't want to fit into this new society any longer
I want something more than this...

I spend every second, it seems, day dreaming of a simpler life. Not an easier one, just one that makes more since to me. I want to grow my food, or hunt for it. I want to truly appreciate everything that i have. I want the mountains looking over me. I want to use my body. I want a family. I want a home I am proud of, a home of my building. I want to toughen my hands and open my heart. This life's left me bitter and searching. I want to learn. I want to meet good people... who can teach me new things. i want to find faith in humanity. I want to try harder. I need to focus or nothing will come of me... I want to feel closer to the soil. I want the courage to befriend those of interest to me. I don't want anything else.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

your not alone! I feel those same things!! Some times life can really get you down. We've made every thing so complicated, is a simple life even possible any more? I have been able to see some of those wants come to me! But in these econmic times I could just lose it all, I'm on the verge!and I've realised that having those things really have'nt made my life simpler or happier, it has to come from inside. Good luck! Jacquie

The Oak Leaves said...

Thanks Jacquie, I've been trying to dig deep and apply that way of thinking (and doing) to my life as it is now. But its hard while being bombarded with commercialism day in and day out... along with the fact that most people think wanting to go back to an older way of living is completely crazy. I wont mind working hard, or not having everything my heart desires. I feel like if i have more space around me, more nature, and my health... that everything will be fine. I don't need a big house, nice clothes, or many things... I'm lucky to have a husband i love and a very supportive family to help out when times get tough...

regardless of were I am, life is good. the sun is shining and plants are still growing up around me... I just can't stand watching all of the destruction, and the people that don't even know how to communicate with each other any more, not to mention their values...

I have high hopes for the life ahead of me. Unfortunately that doesn't do much to make things easier to deal with as they are now. I just want to have some land so that i can take less a toll on our environment than I am now...

I hope you make it through these rough times unscathed for the most part. we just have to keep our chins up and appreciate what we do have.

chrisi